Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize