It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just had sex on a roof
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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