we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
