Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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