david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
