i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
