so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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