Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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