Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
ttyl tear gas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize