I saw his package. It spoke to me.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
