i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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