I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
