After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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