Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
