You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
