I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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