p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
