the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
