If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
