When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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