I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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