How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
