Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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