i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
