Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I will die if light touches me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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