I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
