that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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