My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
