I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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