erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
