sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Success! We fucked roommates!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
