is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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