oh god the rape fog is back!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
