we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
