Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
