Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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