Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
and she was petting her beer can
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
