they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You need a sexual gate keeper
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
