First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
