Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Never underestimate the power of titties
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
