I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
