I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
