i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
