pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
