There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
