Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
they need to just BURY HIM!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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