you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
