So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
