Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
