Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
