They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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