Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
