i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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