yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
