Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
