margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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