You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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