i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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