I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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