I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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