**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
