Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dignity is for republicans.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I enjoy the company of your penis
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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