she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
