If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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