My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
